


Masha

by Forlorn_Melody



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Control Ending, F/M, Post War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forlorn_Melody/pseuds/Forlorn_Melody
Summary: Joker's idea of coping after losing Cass Shepard involves a long night in a bar followed by a hangover the next day, until Shepard Senior tracks him down.





	Masha

**Author's Note:**

> A fic for reaching my 150 followers milestone on Tumblr. No better way to celebrate than heartbreak, right?

“We need to talk.”

Her voice sounds almost like Cass. Joker’s fingers tighten around his glass. _Stop thinking about her, damnit. She’s gone. And she’s not coming back this time._ “Only if you’re buying my next drink” he manages to say, even with his voice still thick.

“Flight Lieutenant Jeffrey Moreau, right?” She says it slowly, as if the words don’t match his face. Probably hard to recognize him like this. And he prefers it that way.

“Flight Lieutenant _Commander_ , actually.” Not like it matters. He’s on indefinite leave. Bereavement. It sounds so clinical when they put it like that. Like Cass is just some face in an ANN article. A fucking statistic.

The stool next to him groans as she sits down. “Two of whatever he’s having.” God. If it weren’t for thick accent--

Joker’s stomach freezes into ice. “Shit.” His eyes dart to his left, taking in Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard’s visage for the first time. _Shit_. _Shit. Shit._ “...Admiral, right?” A few beers in and it doesn’t even matter. He’s stone cold sober for the first time in weeks.

“Hannah, please.” She eyes him, holding out a hand. Cass had always avoided the topic of him meeting her family, and now he can see why. Her mother can kill him with one look.

“Joker.” He shakes her hand, trying to quell the rattle in his bones. ‘Jeff’ would just make it sound like he was in trouble. Maybe he _is_ in trouble. Why else would Cass’s mother be here?

Cass looked so much like her mother. Bronze, Argentine skin, dark eyes, and hardened eye brows. Noses that could cut paper. Would Cass look like her had she--?

_Stop_.

Hannah sips her drink the moment it arrives. “Joker.” The word must taste bad in her mouth.

Joker himself downs a third of his glass. “You wanted to talk?” What is it? A demotion? Court martial? Firing squad? How could he even bring it up? _Oh hey, mom! Is it alright if I call you mom? By the way, your daughter really knew her karma sutra._

Then she takes a big gulp. “I’m assuming Cassandra never told you.” Her eyes stare at the glass in front of her.

“Told me what?”

“You’re a father, Jeffrey Moreau.” She looks him dead in the eyes, watching his reaction.

His glass flies off the counter. “ _What?”_ He’s pretty sure his voice just squeaked. “How? I mean. We...she...I…”

Hannah licks her upper lip, and her tongue clicks against her teeth. “Two weeks into her incarceration. She woke up and realized she couldn’t hold down her breakfast. Thought it was stress keeping her from menstruating. Her checkup proved otherwise.”

“...is she...he...?”

“Masha lives with me. But I think it’s time she met her father, don’t you?”

Joker’s probably supposed to say something, but the word _Masha_ keeps ringing in his ears. “Masha,” he says with a whisper.

“Is that a yes?”

“When?” Joker looks down at his outfit. When was the last time he showered? Does he even have any clean clothes?

Hannah Shepard pays Joker’s tab. “Zero-Nine-Hundred Hours. Clean yourself up or I’m taking her with me.” She’s gone before Joker can respond.

Cassandra Maria Shepard and her mother couldn't have been any more different.

* * *

Joker’s never been able to do anything with his hair, so he just puts on his favorite hat over his dress blues. He couldn’t sleep last night. What the hell does someone wear when they meet their kid for the first time? Faintly he remembers the waiting room when Hillary was born. His dad in jeans and a hoodie, because his mom’s water broke in the middle of the night. Honestly, it’s probably the first time he thought of his family since--falling to the floor sobbing and hyperventilating probably didn’t help either. So many times, he promised himself he’d call Shepard Senior and call it off. The last thing Masha needed was her fucked up dad in her life.

But he still wants to see her, at least once. Whose eyes did she end up with? Whose mouth? Hopefully she got Cass’s hair.

Taking one breath, and another, with his heart pounding in his ears--Joker rings the doorbell.

Hannah answers, inspecting him in one glance before stepping aside. “She’s in the living room.” Her look says _Don’t fuck it up._

_Aye-aye ma’am._ Joker resists the urge to salute her as he walks in. His heart pounds in his ears. _Don’t fuck it up. Don’t fuck it up._ He hears the ruckus of some toy playing music, and he sees a kaleidoscope of color splashing across the walls.

Masha sits on the floor with the toy, hitting and banging the buttons as violently as she can, as if it’s the most important mission in the world. Her dark hair is a mob of tightly-wound curls on her head, and her lips press into a thin line like his. She looks up at him with bright green eyes contrasted with amber skin.

“Hi.” Fuck. What is he supposed to say?

Her lips explode into laughter, ringing louder than the music, and Jeffrey Moreau can’t breathe.

_Seventeen-year-old Jeff (not Jeffery) Moreau should be out with his friends. Instead he’s stuck babysitting on his parents’ anniversary. He’s bringing some old sit-com when he feels a tug on his pant leg._

_“Jeff Jeff!” She stares up at him gravely. Mom says she learned it from him. He says Mom’s making it up to piss him off._

_“What is it_ now _? I already fed you.”_

_“I poo.“ She lets out a bright, peeling laugh._

_“Very funny, Gunny.” He ushers her over to the changing table, gagging. “Augh. Really?”_

_“I wuv you, Jeff Jeff.”_

_“I wuv you too, kid.” He scrunches his nose_. _“Maybe not your shit, though.” She never stops laughing. Not until the day he comes home after the Normandy explodes. Nobody laughs then._

“Jeffrey?” Hannah says distantly. His head feels like it’s underwater. “Joker?” She says when he doesn’t respond. Her hand lands on his shoulder and he nearly hits the ceiling.

“Da-da?” Masha stares at him, wide-eyed, trying to stand, but tripping over her own feet.

“Yeah.” The word slips out of his mouth in a whisper. Joker swallows hard. “It’s me.”

She holds onto his knee for balance, feeling the scruffiness of his beard. Joker sits there, watching her inspect his clothes and his face piece by piece. It’s more terrifying than standing in front of his drill sergeant at basic.

“I have a picture of you on the fridge,” Hannah explains.

Joker coughs. “Guess the real thing isn’t quite as handsome, is it, kid?”

Masha giggles, and grabs his pinky. Joker sucks in a breath, and Hannah shouts “Masha, no!”

Joker screams as his pinky bone snaps in two, but he feels warm despite the pain.

* * *

The days, weeks, and months pass, and Earth slowly rebuilds. Joker never thought he’d stick around here, but with the mass relays in pieces, there really isn’t anywhere for him to go. Must be the universe’s idea of a sick joke--fly the _Normandy_ back to Sol as fast as FLT will allow, only to find Cass MIA. The Alliance probably declared Commander Cassandra Maria Shepard KIA soon after--but Joker doesn’t bother to check. If she were alive--she would have contacted him by now. And there’s no Cerberus science experiment to bring her back--Cass saw to that when she destroyed their base, and presumably killed their CEO. Or maybe the Illusive Man shot himself. No one has time to investigate.

Joker moves in with Hannah and they work to raise his daughter together. One night, while Admiral Hannah Shepard is away on deployment, Joker wakes from a fitful sleep, to find Masha missing from her room. She’s not anywhere in the house either. Tearing through the house as fast as his feeble body will allow--Joker glances a small shadow standing outside on the lawn.

Masha’s silhouette is dwarfed by the behemoth of a Reaper. Joker’s hammering heart stops beating. He needs to run over to her, shield her from the monster’s view, but his legs won’t move. He needs to call her back, but he can’t speak.

The reaper thunders past them, still kilometers away, and then it rises to the sky--with a steel crane in its grasp? Joker must be dreaming.

“Mama.” Masha points at the sky.

Joker swallows hard, making his way over, and sitting next to her. A dumb idea--there’s no way Masha’s tiny arms will be able to pull him back up, but he’ll worry about that later. “Yeah. She’s up there somewhere, watching over us.”

“No.” She shakes her head at him, grabbing his face and pointing it to the reaper. “Mama here.”

“Mash--” Joker started calling her that after watching her eat--like watching Grunt take down husks--messy and violent, leaving everyone in need of a shower.

“Mama _here_.” Masha says emphatically, her eyes reddening and her lips trembling.

Joker can’t handle a meltdown tonight, so he concedes. She can have this battle. “Okay, okay. Mama’s in the reaper.” He pulls her into his lap, running his fingers through her tight curls.

His daughter groans in frustration. “Mama…” Her cheeks puff up as she scrambles for the world, then she jumps out his arms, laughing as she points at the sky. “Mama _play_ reaper.”

Following her hand with his eyes, Joker tries to focus on his breathing. His mouth feels dry. “How do you know?” He manages. It’s impossible, but Cass has-- _had_ done crazier.

“Mama tell stories. Help me sleep.”

Joker has no idea what to say, so he pulls her close, wincing when she falls into him less than gently. “Does Mama tell you stories a lot?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell her I miss her?”

“Okay.”

“Thanks, Masha.” Joker’s throat threatens to close in on itself, and he hopes Masha won’t feel the tears falling onto her head. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Daddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much experience with kids, so if Masha seems off, please tell me.


End file.
